Wedded Bliss & I Don’t

Couple in love sitting on a bench

Dear Reader!

First, a very important and necessary disclaimer:

I believe in love that fights.

I believe in love that sacrifices and gives every thing, every thing—and not think twice.

I believe in love that shatters our everyday reality and flings us into the heavens not only exists but, more importantly, can go the distance… all the way to the grave.

I believe we live and we die and that love is the only thing—the only thing—that makes any of the in between worthwhile or meaningful.

My point is: I believe in love that is deep, meaningful, true.

I do.

Now, that I have delivered my disclaimer…

bridal couple wearing sneakers

Nevertheless, I have never witnessed firsthand a happy marriage. I am not saying they don’t exist—I simply have not witnessed one firsthand. I have, however, had great occasion to witness too many unhappy and/or stupid ones.

Not to mention how much I despise, abhor, and loathe women’s fixation on ONE day and an overpriced, white dress — when it is loving day in and day out; putting up with each other’s bullsh*t; honoring your love and your beloved; and living a lifetime together well that really matters.

So from a very tender age, I swore off the institution of marriage.

Love, definitely yes. Marriage, definitely no.

To me marriage is primarily a social construct that protects any children a union might give birth to and provides the partners’ with legal recourse (typically, the woman) for “fair” compensation should the union fail.

In love relationships, mutual adoration and fidelity come first, and then the parties involved can choose to marry to make a public statement of their intentions. But you certainly do not need marriage to convey this.

Unfortunately, too many of us confuse love/romance and marriage as being one and the same. They are not! Frankly, love does NOT necessarily equal marriage and marriage does not necessarily equal love.

FACT: People marry for all sorts of reasons, known and unknown. And you can be married and totally uncommitted and unmarried and 110% in with all of your heart, body, and soul.

With that being said and because when it comes to matters of the heart or marriage, nothing is simple: While I am decidedly not interested in saying, “I do,” I would never consider for one second staying with any man who does not want to marry me.

Call to action: Which do you believe in: “I do” or “I don’t?”

4 thoughts on “Wedded Bliss & I Don’t

  1. In the past decades, it seems that people make a mockery of marriage. They tell themselves if it does not work, we can always get a divorce. Love never comes into play. In most marriages, it is for what or how much the parties can get.

    If one partner cannot contribute their 50%, it is a no go. However, I do believe there is a very small percentage of people who enter in marriage for the right reason: LOVE.

    1. I agree that most marriages are business transactions whether the involved parties know that or admit to it. And business and love should not be in bed with each other. While you want a partner that is financially, physically, and emotionally responsible, because these things are evidence of maturity, commitment, and integrity, our emotional relationships should not be tit for tat arrangements and should not be judged with the same coldness one would a business or contractual relationship.

      My problem with emotional relationships, especially of the romantic kind, is that it so difficult–if not impossible–to know the TRUE agenda of another person. Unless a relationship is tested hard by life (i.e., loss of a child, sickness, economic recession), you do NOT know if what you have is really REAL.

  2. Well said, Janine. Love and marriage has been confused. They can be one, but so seldom are. “The greatest thing youl ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.”

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