Twenty years ago, I was depressed. I felt crazed. I didn’t want to die — but I didn’t want to live in a hostile world that made no sense to me.
One day, I picked up a blank sheet of paper and a pen and “cut” myself open. I “bled” these words from deep within a corner of my wounded soul…
Last night as I lay in the black of night, away from the collective consciousness of the world, deep in slumber, I had a dream:
We danced with our hearts close,
rather than separated by oceans of defenses,
of pretenses, of fears,
of towering walls of mistrust.
So afraid of the other’s truth.
Rather we pulled each other in close.
And placed our warm hand on the thumping heart of the other
and talked and shared,
and trusted and cared.
I deep into you. You deep into me
We stripped “naked.”
Dropped our defenses;
forgot our pretenses;
lay waste to our fears and flattened those towering walls.
Our souls bare and defenseless to each other,
exposed to the gaze of the other for just a moment…
or an eternity.
Protective of one another.
You deep into me. I deep into you
Our eyes were open like those of a newborn babe
gazing on the world for the first time;
our ears waited patiently;
our arms open, beckoning, eager to be filled;
our hearts already full.
I deep into you. And you deep into me.
Then, I turned to go deeper into my dream, but instead I blinked and squinted at the bright light of a new day peeking through my bedroom window. It was already morning.
And I realized, oh, it was just a dream… and I was very sad — for it was a sweet, sweet dream while it lasted.
Twenty Years Today
Not too long ago, I made a new friend, Steve.
We connected via email. We’ll probably never lay eyes on each other in this life. However, we’ve promised to do an extended lunch in the next.
In one of our many emails, I mentioned to Steve that during a difficult period in my life I wrote some poetry. It was just a throw away statement on my part in the midst of discussing so many other ideas.
But Steve’s interest was immediately piqued. He wanted me to share. He wanted us to create something beautiful together. I wasn’t sure I wanted to share or create with a “stranger.”
Still I promised to think about it. And I thought and thought and thought. Finally, I chose this poem. It was one that I previously shared on my personal blog. Still the idea of sharing it in this manner made me feel vulnerable, exposed. Yes, I was terrified of the potential negative consequences of going “deep.”
I tried to talk myself out of it — and then I quickly copied and pasted Deep into an email and hit SEND.
At the time, I had no idea what Steve would do with my words. However, I’m ecstatic I was brave enough to let go, to go “deep,” and to share it with him and Chloe.
How they interpreted my words takes my breath away. My words; her voice, dripping with sweetness and lyricism; and his visuals pack a triple wallop of meaning!
One friend shared that these feelings I “bled” twenty years ago are still relevant today and gave him hope in the age of COVID-19; racial unrest and reckoning; and political mayhem and madness.
Please take a few minutes to watch and listen…
Did you feel anything at all? Share in the comment section.
Thanks for reading, watching, and listening.