As I mentioned in my last post, Michael came to see me last weekend. Yeah! It was fun and too short.
And since he was coming, I wanted to look my best, of course, so on the Thursday before his arrival I went to the barbershop to get my hair cut so that I would look fresh and feel pretty.
And this is the absurd exchange that ensued from the moment I hit the door:
CB, the barber: Don’t you return phone calls?
[Picture me with a stupefying look on my face.]
Me: You have the nerve to say that to me! On three separate occasions I have called you and/or texted you to find out when you would be in the shop and I have yet to receive a call or a text back! Not only will I not be returning your calls, I will not ever call or text you again! I am not a chump!
CB: Well, I was calling to ask you to dinner.
Me: What?! You got bored and had no one else to call, so you decided to pick up the phone and call me!
CB: Why can’t you just let the past go?
Me: I am NOT a chump!
CB: You are judging me based on what others have done.
Me: No. I am judging you based on your past and present bad behavior and indifference. Were you raised in a barn?!
CB: Well, can’t you just learn to accept idiosyncrasies?
[What an arseclown!]
Me: No! (I am actually thinking that would be a hell, hell no!) This is not an idiosyncrasy. This is rudeness and indifference. I place a very high, high value on myself and I will not tolerate this!
CB: Well, what do you want?
[Seriously! Can he really be asking this silly question?!]
Me: Actually, I am not looking for anything. And I have never led you to believe otherwise. What we have and have always had is a professional [I should have said unprofessional] relationship.
But if I were looking, I am certainly not interested in a man who is a lazy, rude, trifling arseclown who does not return phone calls! I would much rather be reading a book! I want so much more than “breath and britches!”
And then he uttered a simple string of sad and confounding words…
CB: Truth is, you scare me.
Me: Really?! Why?
CB: You’re a lady. I’ve never met a woman like you… (He’s 50!)
Call-to-action: Ladies, are you settling for just “breath and britches?” Guys, what do you think about this ridiculous exchange? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.