White Friends, Are You Strong Enough to Be a True Friend to a Person of Color? ~ 3 Things to Think About

Because we have no hope of eradicating systemic racism without you.

White Friends, the racial abyss between White people and People of Color is, in many ways, vast, broad, and bottomless.

And frankly, it seems unfeasible we can come together and construct a bridge across it. But the truth is: The racial tensions in America cannot be solved without you. In order to eradicate systemic racism, the movement for equality and justice for all needs your strength to hear our truth without defensiveness and whataboutisms; your courage to sit with our internal rage/anger and grief without trying to fade it or to pretend it isn’t what it clearly is; and your uprightness to speak out when you observe or hear insensitive, stupid, and selfish racist crap from anyone.

Please hear me out.

1. While your individual responses and actions are key, our rage isn’t about you as an individual.

Please understand the concept of the collective. Humanity has many collectives. Collectives are, of course, made up of individuals. And yes, the quality of the individuals does determine the overall character of a collective. There is a White Collective, a Black Collective, and even a People of Color Collective. Yes, you’re an individual member of the larger White Collective. Yes, individual members in any collective can be insensitive, stupid, and selfish, because some people suck.

Humanity has many collectives.

This is to say, when a Person of Color rages about yet another hurtful, outrageous occurrence of systemic racism, it’s usually not. about. the. individual. white. you.  (I know, complicated but true unless, of course, you’re a proven racist, and then maybe.) The real issue at hand are the powerful economic and political systems designed to undermine the advancement of People of Color. And, in the USA, the economic and political power structure is unilaterally in the hands of the White Collective.

So if you’re going to be a true friend to a Person of Color, you’ll have to put aside your childish defensiveness and grow a tougher hide. Because it’s not about you — it’s about the system. 

2. Don’t try to fade our pain and suffering to make yourself — or us — more “comfortable.

Yes, wouldn’t it be nice if life was a bowl of organic, sweet, juicy Rainier cherries for all people? But, alas, it just isn’t so! Just know that no matter how much we’re making “happy” with you, we’re probably not in complete state of “don’t worry, be happy.” Because we know how easily we or someone we love can become a casualty of systemic racism in this country.

And we’ve been living under these intolerable circumstances for the last 5.2 generations.

Moreover, if you’re worn out from hearing us “bitch” about our pain and suffering, you should try living the life of a Person of Color in a country that places little value on the length or quality of our lives. Try being —

  • a Black mum wringing her hands every. single. day, agonizingly worrying about whether one of her three law-abiding sons will be a fatal victim of a senseless police traffic stop; or
  • a parent having to put your young teenage daughter into therapy, so she can learn to cope within a racist school system that doesn’t care about the mental well-being of Black children when deciding upon course curricula; or
  • a woman who has never committed a single criminal offense in her entire life, but feeling her heart race and leap into her throat every time she catches a glimpse of a police vehicle.

Yes, these are actual experiences from my life.

So if you’re going to be a true friend to a Person of Color, don’t ask us to pretend all is fine and dandy when all isn’t — and never was.

3. Don’t pretend you didn’t hear another White person make dismissive, disparaging, and/or insensitive comments about People of Color.

If you say you care about us and you hear insensitive, stupid, selfish utterances being said about us, but you say or do nothing to avoid muddying the waters or to be politically correct, you’re part of the problem. Because —

… Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.

~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Furthermore, when you remain silent in the presence of racist remarks and actions, the work and sacrifices of the following brilliant, wise, and valiant souls who fought and still fight are degraded and diluted: Frederick Douglass; Martin Luther King, Jr; Malcom X (yes); Medgar Evers; John Robert Lewis; Elizabeth Freeman; Sojourner Truth; Harriet Tubman; Anne McCarty Braden (white); John Brown (white); Edgar Chandler (white); Prudence Crandall (white); Virginia Foster Durr (white); Jane Elliot (white); Tim Wise (white); Stacey Abrams; and so many more. Not to mention your silence also devalues the in-progress life and struggle of your Friend of Color.

So if you’re going to be a true friend to a Person of Color, you have to boldly state, “I’m with them.” You have to let the stupid and the selfish individuals of the White Collective know that you may be white but when you see a Person of Color you don’t see “Other.” And you need to let the White Collective know that you acknowledge the horrific and continuing trauma of chattel slavery and systemic racism on People of Color.


What this country needs is an interior revolution of thought, reason, and conscience in the individual members of the White Collective. It’s true systemic racist wasn’t birthed by this generation. Nonetheless, it’s up to this and future generations of the White Collective to make moral and assertive choices that no longer perpetuate the subtle and not so subtle injustices of systemic racism! And it’s up to the People of Color Collective to work alongside our White Friends.

White Friends, People of Color have been dreaming and fighting for generations for the time when we no longer have to rant and rave about the social injustices done against us.

We’ve been dreaming and fighting for a time when there isn’t always an undercurrent of fear and grief because of the heavy burden of social injustices we endure.

And we’ve been dreaming and fighting for at least 5.2 generations! Haven’t we dreamed and fought long enough?

And we’ve been dreaming and fighting for the time when all the arduous work and sacrifices of civil rights activists — black and white — over these many generations are finally realized and we can shout, “We have overcome.” 

May God grant us the wisdom to discover right, the will to choose it, and the strength to make it endure. ~ First Knight, a movie

So if you’re going to be a true friend to a Person of Color, you must defiantly accept the challenge on behalf of what is right, true, and good for us all. We need your understanding, courage, and integrity to bridge this racial abyss. So I ask you again: White Friends, do you think you’re strong enough to be a true friend to a Person of Color?


P.S. If you’re an insensitive, stupid and/or selfish White individual of the White Collective and you’re feeling compelled to leave nonsensical ravings that put your one life and experience at the center of the Universe, this article was not written for you. It was written for decent, caring White people. I know it’s pointless to attempt to reason with your kind of white. So please keep your nonsensical ravings to yourself and go away.

Another related article you might enjoy White People, Two Reasons Why this Apology is Bullsh*t

5 thoughts on “White Friends, Are You Strong Enough to Be a True Friend to a Person of Color? ~ 3 Things to Think About”

  1. “I’m with them”. I am with you Janine and I do see all the injustices being done even to this day. It angers and saddens me that anyone of Color has to endure this type of abuse. Trust me, if I hear anyone making disparaging remarks I’ll let them know. You’re correct, we all need to stand up for justice for all. Love you and your family.

    Reply
  2. Being a true strong friend is so simple and easy to do. Just remember how you want to be treated and treat everyone the same! Remember we are all created the same.

    Reply

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